Cassie Shepherd

June 14, 2012

What I Don't Miss About Utah

Before the big GA move, I couldn't wait to get out of Utah.
Then, I missed Utah. 
Then, we came back and it was bitter/sweet.
Now, I am reminded of the things I had forgotten I didn't like to start with.

Mitch and I dated for a year and half before we tied the knot. In Mormon time, dating for that long might as well be called eternity. Most Mormon young ladies might relate when the Happy Valley folks just smile and hold their tongue when you're introduced as "the girlfriend." Or, they fail to hold their tongue and blurt out the dreaded question that no girlfriend wants to answer…

"So, when are you two planning to get engaged?" 

Who asks that? Pretty much every other married Mormon. It got old really fast.

When our relationship, so to say, turned the corner, I couldn't decide if I was more irritated that Mitch hadn't popped the question (even though I knew he was going to) or on edge because of the pressure that surrounded such an expected engagement. In hindsight, it was the pressure, but I probably took too much of my frustration out on Mitch. He is a trooper.

So, we got married. And, life was blissful. We crossed to the other side. No longer did we have to endure the wide eyed pursed lips expressions. No longer did we have to endure the awkward moments when I wasn't introduced as "the fiance." 

We honeymooned. We went to school. We moved. We fought. We worked. We loved. We were somewhat normal. And, then we moved to GA and we forgot, just a little bit, about UT.

But, then we moved back… 

I didn't realize it at first. I was naive. I guess I was still on Savannah time. Somewhere along the way I must've forgotten that on Mormon time, it isn't abnormal to have a "honeymoon baby."

I've been back three months. During this time, I have had more people question our family plans then I did in the nearly eighteen months we lived in Savannah.

Alas, the new dreaded question, "So, when are you two planning to have children?"

Or, not to mention the subtle hints followed by wide eyes and pursed lips and more awkward moments…

"Oh, you've been married for almost three years? Interesting."
"Three years is a long time…"
"Huh, almost three years? Well, what is next?"
"You know, you're coming up on three years of marriage shortly…"

Reality check. I don't miss this.

Don't mind my ranting and raving. And don't take it personally if you've been one of the fifty people to ask me about our plans. I grew up here. I get it. You don't mean any harm. Your curiosity is driven by excitement and I welcome your good intentions.

My oldest sister taught me that asking someone about when they're going to have children is probably one of the most personal questions you can ask someone. What if they just miscarried? What if they can't conceive? What if they don't want children? What if they aren't ready for children? What if they're thinking about getting a divorce? Is it really any of our business?

Now, don't get me wrong. I love children, obviously. My entire career is based around them. I strongly believe the family unit is sacred. I respect that in the LDS religion we are encouraged to bring new life to this earth, usually sooner than later, so that they can progress in the Plan of Salvation. In fact, that is why we are also encouraged to get married sooner than later. It all revolves around the family. But, simply put, these decisions are to be made between a husband, his wife, and the Lord. 

So, as our anniversary approaches next week, rest assured, social-networking world, that Mitch and I are fully aware that we have been married three years and that naturally one of the next steps in our lives is to have children. It will come.

Meanwhile, does anyone want to warn me about what is expected of us after we have children? 
What wide eyed pursed lips questions should I aim to avoid?  

Maybe, "Oh, that is how you're raising your children? Interesting."

Endure to the end right?

11 comments:

  1. Endure to the end. Exactly. When we moved to Jeremy's home ward for a summer pretty much every person we met asked when we were going to have children (our 2nd anniversary was that summer). I started our smiling sweetly and say, "Eventually," but by the end of the summer I told them, "When everyone stops asking!" The only good thing about this is that it is teaching you patience, which is the first attribute I had to "re-learn" as a parent. Good luck!

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  2. Oh my gosh isn't that the worst!! I never ask anyone when they are getting married or having children is such a rude thing to ask. I feel your pain!

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  3. I totally know what you're talking about. Scott and I dated for almost a year and a half before getting married and we've been married for over two years and our dogs are our kids...People look at you weird when you say that. I definitely agree with your sister about it being rude to ask that question. Not everyone can just pop one out after the other without any issues. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

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    1. Totally tried to talk Mitch into getting me a puppy for our anniversary. Didn't work…lol

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    2. Mitch should totally get you a puppy!

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  4. Geeez. I'm glad I haven't asked you that! Well said!!!

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  5. Jared & Julie ZontsJune 15, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    You should see the remarks we get for being married for 5 years and still aren't having children.... ;-)
    We know how you feel.

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  6. I was married for 4 years before we had our first child, and it annoyed me to be asked all the time too. I understand and I feel the same way you do. It is personal. Just enjoy all the time you two have together with just the two of you!

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  7. This is very reminiscent of some conversations we've had ;) And you know it only gets better after you have children with the questions and comments. Good ole nosy Mormons :) And happy anniversary! Have any fun plans?

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